I think I've come to the realisation that I'd rather live without an active social life. Maybe it's a part of becoming older, but I really cannot be bothered keeping up with a dozen friends at a time. Or maybe it's my natural introverted personality being very happy with a quiet life. I've realised coming into working in a career that really requires social skills that I can't seem to do it effortlessly. And it gives me headaches. To be that bubbly person for one day who does not have one ounce of social anxiety would be amazing to experience. I wish I was naturally bubbly, naturally social. Life would be about a thousand times easier. Instead of having to go through the long process of getting to know people before I can open up. It's tiring. It's an effort when I don't really want to be friends. I'm never there to make only shallow friendships, which is shit because that would be easy. And people don't seem to get that you're either a very close friend or not a friend at all. Acquaintances are strangers. I don't like small talk. I don't like laughing politely at the small talk. I'm not equipped with the skills to pretend to be interested in your life.   

Tomorrow's going to be a bad day. 

It's been a long year. I don't want to admit it but at this point I think I'd rather be at uni than at home. I guess it comes down to me needing to get used to this life again. 

It's the last three weeks of Wagga, and the realisation has definitely hit me. Four years since I've been here, four years since I started this personal blog to talk about my 'adventures' away from home. Is it sad that there is a part of me that feels like I have a life here now? That it took four years for it to happen, and now it's already over. It's not like I'll even be graduating just yet, but it's never going to be like this ever again in any of our lives. None of us are ever going to live together like this for four years, depending only on each other, as replacement for families and friends back at home. The feeling right now is depressing. Incredibly depressing. 

How close is too close?

I legitimately feel like I'm navigating my early 20's with friends on some tv show. 

It's funny that a friend, who is ironically not a friend anymore, once said to me that people we meet once or for a period of time will appear back in our lives if they are meant to. I was talking to her about how I've met a lot of people who I've gotten along with so well, for example on placement, spent hours everyday with them to have to abruptly leave. Maybe it's the 80 year old sentimental elderly person in me that makes me sad that I lose these people, especially when we could easily be good friends. Is this what adulthood is?!