Keep Me High

This afternoon I was hanging around in the outside while my mum was doing gardening, and we got talking. I was sort of complaining about the fact that I will probably never find someone, and that all my friends have boyfriends now. It was strange, she was actually giving me some sort of modern age boy advice. That if I wait, he'll probably come along when I least expect it. That he's probably out there somewhere. I felt like it was a moment out of some white middle aged woman's novel, where the sun is setting so it's reddening the sky with the summer crickets calling, my mum is doing the gardening and I'm hanging around, under some vines in the shade. Next thing there'll probably be some family crisis where it brings the entire family together, to strengthen relationships between sisters or some crap like that.

I don't think I can say that these summer holidays were particularly memorable, but it wasn't the worst I've ever had either. Going to QLD with my family was probably one of the highlights, and so was starting a birthday tradition with friends. It's a bit crazy when I think that I'm entering my third year as a uni student, when I'm still having these warped high school dreams. I don't know whether it's hinting that secretly I'm missing high school or that it's now symbolism for something in my life. Two years have gone by too quickly. IT'S ALIENS I TELLS YA.

Why is it that it's only late at night that the things I really don't give a crap about during the day, suddenly magnifies and explodes in my head past 12am? Mostly in a shit load of guilt coupled with regret. That I don't want to fall asleep purely because I seem to always be trying to grasp onto remnants of a day that didn't turn out too badly. Or because I hope to prolong a day so that whatever I'm not looking forward to remains that one extra hour further away. Also an extra idiotic hour of mulling over all the horrible things I've done and said, and maybe if things had been different, I wouldn't be spending so much time thinking about it.