Shit, it's been four months since I've updated. Not that I've gotten a life or nothing, quite the opposite. No shit to complain about honestly. Anyway, I've got shit to complain about now:

I don't know whether it's because it's exams and I'm stressed, or I'm socially retarded or that they annoy me, but there is this group of first year girls who have started becoming friends with my friends. I've seen them so often now but I've never had the urge to talk to them, or even be mildly interested in being friendly. They're slowly befriending everyone I know here, and I'm there silently yelling in my head for them to please just go away. They're from Sydney doing Oral Health, and I just cannot for the life of me be bothered. I almost feel like I've reached a friend quota in my life right now. That I really cannot make an effort to make any more friends. I think it's because I can sense they're not going to be worth it, seeing as they're the typical giggly eighteen year olds fresh from high school.

Or maybe somewhere deep down I envy them? That's stupid, right? They're so happy and bubbly and it reminds me of what my friends and I used to be in first year. NOW WE ARE BROKEN. Those girls dress up all the time, and are making all the friends they can. I want to yell at them I USED TO BE LIKE YOU, BUT LOOK AT ME NOOOOWWW. LOOK INTO YOUR FUTURE OF UNWASHED HAIR AND WEARING TIGHTS AS PANTS EVERY SINGLE DAAAAYYY TO THE LIBRARY. They still have that fresh-faced look about them, with that glint of HOPE in their eyes. The rest of us are so exhausted and jaded now, and it's really not an exaggeration.

I think this kind of ties into the fact that I'm starting to feel really old, seeing these first years. I was still kind of used to being the naive and one of the young ones, ignoring that I'm actually in fourth year soon. Also, this whole 'cbf' thing with the first years has kind of made me look like a complete bitch to them I think. BUT I CAN'T BE FUCKED.

I can rant about that all day and shizz, but it's getting too long and I want to mention that there's a party on at our house this Tuesday. Sheenal and I decided that it was going to be invite only and that we'd invite really specific people. We also hid the guestlist on Facebook just because, and it's turning out to be about 30 people coming. But now I'm starting to feel like a complete bitch because it's on the day everyone will want to go out and because we've invited specific people from groups, and ignored (lol) people we don't like, so they won't have friends to hang out with. I blame Sheenal. She specifically wanted to have this party to spite someone she absolutely hates. So she started spreading that we were going to have a party and suddenly people started asking me whether they were invited to a party that Sheenal and I had only discussed while procrastinating during study. There is way too much pressure on us to have the bestest most awesome party ever. Coincidentally, there are two other parties on that afternoon. Thanh is COINCIDENTALLY having her birthday party that night with supposedly 40 people. There is also an after exams party for Pharmacy kids, which would've been kind of cool.

Okay I should stop ranting. But I'm only ranting cause I don't want to sleep. And wake up early. And study. Peace out.

Do you think it's appropriate to be sleeping in the same bed as an engaged woman?

Do you think it's appropriate, as someone who is engaged, to be sleeping in the same bed with a male you have feelings for? Does your boyfriend know?

#questionsiwillneverhavethegutstoask

Just because I'm nice to you two doesn't mean I approve. Fucking grow up the pair of you. 

I was speaking to my sister two days ago.

Her: So who was this boy in your room when you were talking to mum on the phone?
Me: Huh?
Her: Mum said she was talking to you last week and she could hear a male voice in the background.
Me: Haha, I'd like to meet this boy. I have no idea what mum's on about.
Her: She went on about it for three days. Dad didn't care.
Me: So dad doesn't care if I'm slutting it up around here, away from home, hahaha.
Her: No, he's just glad you're not a lesbian.

...I think it's time for me to go find the 'settle-down' of my life.

I don't know where the hell this sudden strong moral compass just came from, but I don't like it. 

I actually wish I had a boyfriend for the sole purpose of people not shitting me around. 

A post I couldn't be bothered posting on Friday:

Today while I was running to uni, I realised three things:
1. I need to get my license.
2. I need to exercise more.
3. That uni is a true arsehole in life.
To top off the end of two burn-out weeks of uni, my very last assessment (the bullshit assignment on a drug no-one's ever heard of) refused to be an attachment in both gmail and hotmail. So I had about half an hour left before the deadline and I was pooping my pants. I was at home by myself and the assignment wasn't sending. I didn't have a usb, so I used a CD. Who even uses CD's anymore? I called my friend and panicked to her on the phone. Then I realised it was no use so I ran. Well more of the awkward walk run. It was an intense. I was panicking like a mofo while walk-running. Found my lecturer's office. Breathlessly told him that my email kept being rejected. He looked at me strangely while I tried to talk to him between puffs. Like that wheelchair kid on Malcolm In The Middle. Embarrassing. Didn't matter though, I made it. While I was walking home, I felt like I could do anything. I wanted to motherfucking fist pump the motherfucking air. Is it sad that the first thing I thought of when I came home that I had to blog this experience?

Tomorrow I have my P's test and I don't think I'll pass because I make stupid mistakes. I guess it won't be the end of the world though, just disappointing. 

My sister and her husband recently bought and moved into a house, and she was telling me about her neighbour across from them. Apparently she's this really secluded older lady who doesn't have any family living with her and no one ever comes to visit. The home owners before my sister actually warned that she was a nosy lady and sure enough on the day that they moved in, they could see her watching them from her front window. So when my parents went down to visit my sister a few weeks ago, my mum made and fried fresh spring rolls (lolz) and knocked on the lady's door because I think she thought she was just lonely. My mum told me they talked for ages before the lady opened her screen door to accept the food. Yesterday my sister called and was telling my mum that now that same grumpy/mean lady is so inviting and happy whenever she sees my sister or her husband. She's completely changed her attitude. The Power Of The Spring Rolls.

So I'm getting pretty sick of the situation between my housemate and that guy. Our other friends are starting to notice and are starting to talk. They're not happy either. Another friend sent her a text telling her to 'be careful'. But she didn't take the text seriously at all. They're still sleeping in her room every night with the door locked, they hang out 24/7. Wendy is feeling uncomfortable with him around all the damn time. I just want to ask him straight out when he's going to start paying rent.

So I was talking to another friend, she said that she heard that his little sister tell another girl that her brother had a girlfriend. This other girl happened to be a friend's little sister. So it eventually travelled to me. She's not a stupid girl, her brother would have had to say something to her for her to tell her friend that. There's also something else, I thought that all this time she didn't think of him in that way. Then I heard that she admitted to another friend end of last year that she had developed some sort of feelings. Now I understand how complicated it really is. But I still can't help but not be very happy with them. She has no bloody self control. Neither does he. I know supposedly you can't help who you fall in love with, but you can help the bloody situation. They should have stopped this before it happened. Yeah. Cause sleeping with each other every night really helps. I think I have lost a lot of respect for her. And it's sad, because she's one of my first and best friends here.

It's like I didn't even have those four months of holidays. I come back, and everything picks up as it was. I don't like what's happening between my roommate and one of her guy friends. I know she doesn't feel anything more then sibling love, but the way he looks at her and acts...it's kind of disturbing. He knows she's engaged. He's met her fiance before too. Actually, I don't know if he's still her fiance...she's still hesitant on getting married to him. But she hasn't officially broken up with him or anything. Her fiance probably doesn't know that anything is wrong.

Just the way he touches her makes me uncomfortable and annoyed at him. I was neutral towards that guy, but now I'm starting to really not like him. My roommate should also know better. It's 12:53am here right now, and he's over, and they're both in her room. He slept over every night last year in her room. I trust her enough to know that they're not doing anything, but that doesn't make it right. It's hard for me to not be judgemental and to stay out of it because it's really not my business, but for it to be displayed in front of your face 24/7 is something else. He should know to leave her alone. She should know not to lead him on. It's wrong. I saw him hug her from behind and kiss her somewhere on her face before in the kitchen and it made me realise how uncomfortable and disgusted I was at this. I never realised how strongly I felt, but now it's getting out of control. It'll never be my place to confront them about any of this, so instead I'm on here, saying all the things I wish I could have said to them this afternoon.

Stay Young, Go Dancing

I don't understand how people can post up douchey statements on Facebook thinking that they're being all wise and clever about the world. Little quotes from god knows where, or if they're feeling really creative, they write their own stupid thing about 'love'. And then there are the people who 'like' the statuses. It'd be more understandable if you were 14 BUT YOU'RE ALL AT LEAST TWENTY YEARS OLD NOW. GET OVER YOURSELVES. Obviously, I could block the annoying, BUT THEN I WOULD BE BLOCKING 50% OF PEOPLE ON MY FACEBOOK. WHY ARE PEOPLE MAKING IT SO EASY FOR ME TO DISLIKE THEM. Maybe I need a break from Facebook.

Keep Me High

This afternoon I was hanging around in the outside while my mum was doing gardening, and we got talking. I was sort of complaining about the fact that I will probably never find someone, and that all my friends have boyfriends now. It was strange, she was actually giving me some sort of modern age boy advice. That if I wait, he'll probably come along when I least expect it. That he's probably out there somewhere. I felt like it was a moment out of some white middle aged woman's novel, where the sun is setting so it's reddening the sky with the summer crickets calling, my mum is doing the gardening and I'm hanging around, under some vines in the shade. Next thing there'll probably be some family crisis where it brings the entire family together, to strengthen relationships between sisters or some crap like that.

I don't think I can say that these summer holidays were particularly memorable, but it wasn't the worst I've ever had either. Going to QLD with my family was probably one of the highlights, and so was starting a birthday tradition with friends. It's a bit crazy when I think that I'm entering my third year as a uni student, when I'm still having these warped high school dreams. I don't know whether it's hinting that secretly I'm missing high school or that it's now symbolism for something in my life. Two years have gone by too quickly. IT'S ALIENS I TELLS YA.

Why is it that it's only late at night that the things I really don't give a crap about during the day, suddenly magnifies and explodes in my head past 12am? Mostly in a shit load of guilt coupled with regret. That I don't want to fall asleep purely because I seem to always be trying to grasp onto remnants of a day that didn't turn out too badly. Or because I hope to prolong a day so that whatever I'm not looking forward to remains that one extra hour further away. Also an extra idiotic hour of mulling over all the horrible things I've done and said, and maybe if things had been different, I wouldn't be spending so much time thinking about it.