'Shouldn't you be studying?'

'Well shouldn't you be less of a fucktard?'

That is the sentence I bloody hate. And I will continue to hate it for as long as I live.

Think About It

Huh. The ring that I thought I had lost back in Year 12 at the social was actually in some bags that my mum just found. I remember changing in the classroom and taking off some of my gangster costume and not being able to find that bloody ring anywhere. It was my sister's, then I had used it for my formal that year too. I seriously had imagined some stupid teenage girl the year after, picking it up and pocketing it. When my mum showed it to me just then, I didn't even recognise it....I actually thought it was the other ring that I had lost that was my mum's. Yeah I don't have a great track record with other people's rings. It's even stranger cause I'd gone through those bags before- they're a collection of just shopping bags I thought I would reuse. Strange...

I keep being homeless, then having a place, then not, then having one....THIS IS DRIVING ME NUTTY.

The Other Side

I think this is both hilarious and disturbing: my dad got some tropical fish off a family friend, and as he was driving home, the water with the fish in it spilt all over the car, and there was no water left for the fish- he had to pick them up and bring them in. I have no idea how long they were out of the water for, but my dad just put them in the aquarium tank and is watching them quite anxiously.

Where Or When

I recently came across Lena Horne- a 1940's singer who's music I'm really enjoying right now. I think I was trying to youtube something else and I stumbled across 'Stormy Weather'. It's nice to get a break from my usual music. And the music fits my mood these days too- I was getting sick of my playlist. I dunno what it is, but to me that era is really lovely, not to sound like an 80 year old. The music is just really pretty and calming.

Great. And I get into trouble for my shitty uni not offering me a place of accommodation.

Baker

This....is really depressing. Having to study on your summer holidays, I mean. Note to future self: please try to pass all your units next time.

Here's a thought

I think it might be that particular sense that's been heightened over the past few years, but everyone around me seems to be so patronising these days. Every second sentence makes me grit my teeth and want to throw whatever I'm holding, or whatever's in front of me to the opposite wall. Or throw a massive psychotic fit. I've been so close....so I'm happy to pass out some royal Fuck You's, and say that you are not always right, as much as you like to think you are.

3

Just found out that for the entire year, my entire dorm building thought I was the biggest snob because I didn't really talk to them. Urgh!!! Apparently they saw me with the "Don't talk to me bitches" vibe. That's so embarrassing. I was just really really, you know, intimidated by them! Erugherugherugh can I be anymore socially awkward?

Oh yeah, also found out a loose friend, Sarah, from my hall had an f-buddy with the guy two doors down to her all year. That's so mind blowing to me 'cause she didn't seem like the type at all! Crazy shit, how some people are completely different to who you think they are.

Also, didn't end up getting scammed- well it wasn't a scam in the first place. Yesterday morning I got a call from a charity, and I felt too guilty to say no to a charity, so I decided to buy some of their raffle tickets. They asked for my credit card, so I gave it to them. Then towards the end of the day, I realised my stupidity- it could have been a freaking scam. So I panicked really, really badly. I called the charity in the morning and it was all good...I need to be less cynical I think.

Might have been scammed: Kill Me Now.

Some Song By Bon Iver

Thought of the Day: What does it mean to be indie? Does it mean multiple vintage vests and chucks in your closet?

Cheers (Drink To That)

I remember mentioning once in passing to Emma and Darsh, 'wouldn't it be cool if all three of us ended up at Latrobe?'. It was just a fun thought. And now, they both tried out for the uni, and both got accepted. I'm trying not to harbour any resentment, but....thanks Emma for not telling me you were trying out. As Thanh mentioned, in one of her surprisingly insightful moments, 'they're abandoning us for their boyfriends'- Emma's boyfriend goes there already, and Darsh has one in Melbourne that she can visit more often if she goes to Latrobe. Sounds like normal...cause that's how I've been losing most of my friends these days. I'm trying to keep in mind that 'things happen for a reason', as gayballs as it sounds...but thinking that makes me hope that I'm going to have an awesomely awesome adult life.

Over My Head

So, I might be living off campus this year. I'm not worried about that- I would actually prefer to live in a house then in those dorms on campus. The thing I'm worried about is how to tell my parents about this- they'll question most of all the fact that I'm on the waiting list...which I think has something to do with the fact that I failed a unit mid-semester....which I also haven't told them about. Plus, I don't have my license, which will mean it'll be a bitch to move about for uni and groceries. And by moving into a rented out, it'll make paying for things much more complicated. Urgh.

Orange Sky

Maybe I should start, you know, studyin' or somefin.

OMG

A few months ago, when I bought a friend down from my uni to Melbourne, I wanted to take her out with some of my friends from home. What I forgot was the fact that I had completely bitched about this uni friend right at the start of the year to my friends at home. This was a time when I was feeling homesick, and everyone I was meeting seemed really shallow and was not 'friend material'. I like things to stay the same, so being thrown in a new location with new people, I was so socially awkward to the point that it was humiliating. I was also feeling pretty sorry for myself for those first few weeks.

This uni friend in particular that I was to eventually bring home with me, had pretty much been on the very bottom of my mental Friend List; she seemed like this gigantic douche, and made these (probably unintentional, now that I know her well enough) insulting comments, e.g. we were talking about what schools we went to, and she and another friend went to private ones. Upon telling them that I went to a Catholic one, and she felt it necessary to comment, 'when my dad first came to Australia, and because he was really poor, he had to go to a Catholic school'. Right. These kids were all rich too...and liked to make that well known. (Also, over the year I noticed that the richer the person was, the more cheap they were ironically enough). So yeah. I thought they were complete idiots.... but then I got to know them I suppose. I guessed later on that because it was First Year, and cause no one knew anyone, people blasted their personalities about one hundred times louder then usual to try to fit in. That could probably go for me too- I was about one million times quieter, trying to make myself scarce with the hope that I wouldn't make a dick out of myself.

Yeah so, to get to the point, I had completely forgotten that I had said crap about her. When we were in Melbourne, and we were going out, one of my Melbourne friends was distinctly cold towards her. I don't think my uni friend noticed but I did, and couldn't figure out why until my home friend asked me (as well as my sister), 'why did you bring her home? Didn't you hate her at the start?'. It was pretty strange to see her so cold and haughty to someone she'd never met, cause she's one of those people who is really warm (sometimes irritatingly so) to strangers, and new people.

Moral of long and convoluted blogpost (and a resolution this year): Stop being so quick to judge (and insult) people. Sorry people for this ridiculous blog. I got halfway and realised it was too late to turn back...so I continued.

Wasted

Note to Douchebag Self:

• Stop buying so much crap.