I think I'm making a big mistake somewhere. 

Feeling strangely sentimental tonight.

You know how you always make a promise to yourself to try harder every year after a horrible exam period so that the next exam period won't be horrible?

WHY DON'T I KEEP THOSE PROMISES TO MYSELF?!

I have a lot of amusement at the fact that everyone has the same story of the first day of being left here in Wagga. Every single story so far has been them sitting in their room, either crying or trying not to cry because they felt lonely with no friends in a strange new place. It's funny to think that there were people feeling miserable and alone, all at the exact same time, believing that it was only them. 

So instead of going out last night to celebrate passing my exam, the housemates and I ended up buying dessert and fries from McDonald's, came home and ate that, opened bottles of Midori and Gin and watched 'I shouldn't be alive' on late night tv. Then I fell asleep early. It was quite a different scenario I had in my head about going 'white girl crazy' (Alannah's term, not mine) if I passed my exam. It kind of made me realise how we're all getting a bit old for that kind of scene, even though I can barely say that I was ever part of it in the first place. It's just a bit disappointing that I'm never quite into having a crazy night, stemming from either the age thing or a personality thing. I want to have something I can pinpoint when I'm middle-aged, and say that 'at least I had fun in my youth' kind of thing. 

I understand now why some people choose to disappear, even though it's one of the most selfish things you could do. I get why people start a new life in a place where no one knows them, no one knows their name or what kind of person they are. I've always thought it's been such a foreign concept until recently. I don't want to disappear or anything terrible like that, it's just that I've developed a better understanding of why people do it. 

It's been six weeks since I've gone home, and I'm starting to feel the crazy coming out from being away for so long. It's going to be another three weeks before I do, and I am so sick of all the places I've studied at. What's driving me crazier is the urge to see/study with people contradicting my need to be alone. I just want a break from all the shit from uni and people here. 

Is it crazy that I want to do something incredibly reckless before I leave Wagga? Before I go back to parents and restrictions of when and who I can bring home? Why not right?