I think I've come to the realisation that I'd rather live without an active social life. Maybe it's a part of becoming older, but I really cannot be bothered keeping up with a dozen friends at a time. Or maybe it's my natural introverted personality being very happy with a quiet life. I've realised coming into working in a career that really requires social skills that I can't seem to do it effortlessly. And it gives me headaches. To be that bubbly person for one day who does not have one ounce of social anxiety would be amazing to experience. I wish I was naturally bubbly, naturally social. Life would be about a thousand times easier. Instead of having to go through the long process of getting to know people before I can open up. It's tiring. It's an effort when I don't really want to be friends. I'm never there to make only shallow friendships, which is shit because that would be easy. And people don't seem to get that you're either a very close friend or not a friend at all. Acquaintances are strangers. I don't like small talk. I don't like laughing politely at the small talk. I'm not equipped with the skills to pretend to be interested in your life.